It’s time for a trivia quiz.  What comedy team made the skit, “Who’s on first?” famous. 

The answer is Abbot and Costello.  That was also a test to determine how old you are.  If you are under 50 you probably don’t know who they were unless you have seen them on Nickelodeon.  If you are over 60 I am sure you know who Bud Abbot and Lou Costello are. 

In case you want to see it here is the link  -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sShMA85pv8M

This is not a meaningless diversion, I am going someplace with this.  When I last wrote on the blog I was talking about the ‘4 C’s’ of Big Change.   And finally we are on the last ‘C’ which is Compassion.  When we get ‘wrapped up’ in the Big Change it is easy to get confused and forget about what is important and ourselves.  “Who’s on first?” is all about confusion. 

All of us have long hidden, yet very powerful, subconscious fear based patterns that are the source of a never ending barrage of negative self talk.  How can you create change if you are constantly being critical of what you are doing and thinking?  All of us know that compassion should be shown towards others; however we never do it for ourselves.   We get confused about what is important about our Big Change.  When it becomes about achieving an external final result you are confused.  The Big Change is about creating a meaningful life in which you consistently employ your talents with ease and grace.    

 When I asked clients who are in the middle of a Big Change, “What were your recent successes?” the reply is some version of “Not much.”  As we talk, it becomes clear that just the opposite is true-there are numerous successes.  However, because the successes didn’t rock the world, they didn’t count.  The result is they don’t give themselves credit for what they have accomplished and there are no celebrations along the path to the Big Change.  There is the seemingly universal belief that you must wait until you get to the ‘end’ before you can feel good about yourself and celebrate.  Why not give yourself a break, recognize your accomplishments along the way, love yourself and enjoy the process?  Why not have compassion for yourself? 

 The next time you become confused about the real goal and you are berating yourself for not doing more, faster – STOP – remember Who’s on first? – smile and be kind to yourself.  Who’s on first? You are!

Surprise, this is a test.  What are the four C’s of ‘Big Change’? 

 Here is a hint, each word begins with C.  –That was a joke!   I hope you got it. 

 The first two were Clarity and Commitment. 

 My guess is that you have forgotten not only what they are, but also what the ‘Big Change’ is.  That is perfectly alright.  I work on and talk about them daily and I have to look at my notes. 

Just to refresh your memory on the four C’s and the ‘Big Change’ here is a recap.  ‘Big Change’ is my term for those changes you want to implement so that you can live the life of your dreams.  The ‘Big Change’ is often a change that you have tried to implement many times and couldn’t quite get there.  I have, as have my coaching clients, not succeeded in making the ‘Big Change’ because commitment, clarity, courage and compassion(notice the 4 C’s) were absent or in short supply. Understanding the 4 C’s and making the ‘Big Change’ are important in order to experience the thrill of being completely you with all of your talent on display for the world to appreciate.    

 Today’s blog is about courage. 

 I define courage as the willingness to confront your fear based life patterns when you are making the ‘Big Change” in your life.  Courage is what separates having an average or above average life from having a great life.    With courage you are able to take actions that may be uncomfortable and disruptive to life as you have known it.  To stop the cycle of doing the same things over and over again, expecting a different result, you must have courage to do things differently. 

 When courage is absent as you embark on a ‘Big Change’ you will find yourself continually questioning the wisdom of your decision to go for it.  When courage is in short supply I would  hear myself saying, “I am comfortable where I am.  Why push myself? Nobody will notice if I don’t finish this.  It doesn’t matter anyway.”  

 The good news is that everyone has more courage than they think.  However, courage can’t exist without a foundation.  Clarity on your mission and vision, combined with supporting love based life patterns powered by  the “smile exercise” will greatly elevate your level of courage.  Having someone to support through you the change helps to keep your courage alive and flowing. 

 Pete (not his real name) a client of mine decided he wanted to elevate his level of engagement with life and use more of his talents.   He wanted his life to be an accurate portrayal of who he is, not a reflection of someone living at half speed.  One of the things Pete wanted to do is run in a marathon.  Pete had been a runner for a long time and he really enjoyed it.  He wanted to test himself by running a marathon.  Over a 6 month period Pete put the foundation in place by writing mission and vision.  He also took small steps to begin living his mission and vision.   He regularly did his smile exercise and of course I was encouraging and coaching him along the way. 

 With the foundation in place Pete had the courage to take on the marathon.  He had to create a training schedule that was much more rigorous than he had ever experienced.  He had the courage to continue training even when it would have been easier to sit at home after a long day at work.  Because he was training, his wife was upset that he wasn’t always at home as he once was.  He had to have the courage to face her displeasure with his workout schedule.  Pete wasn’t neglecting his wife; he just wasn’t there ‘all of the time’ as he was before.  Pete ran in the marathon and his wife is now training with him and they are planning on running a half marathon together.    

 How do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time.  That is the same way that courage is developed – one small action at a time that moves you in the direction of your ‘Big Change’.  Put your foundation in place and the courage to make your ‘Big Change’ will follow.   

 Once I thought courage was something I needed in times of physical danger.  Now I know that it is mandatory to live a meaningful life in which I get to use my talents. 

 Final test for today.  What is the last ‘C’ we need to discuss?

When I ask clients what they really, really, really want in their lives, I frequently hear the following phrases:

• I think that I probably want to ….
• I should be doing this because…..
• If I had more money I would….
• If I were younger I would…..

 What do all of these partial statements have in common?

a)    They are excuses.

b)    They are indicators of fear.

c)    They are what you believe to be true.

d)    They demonstrate a lack of clarity on what you really want?

 If you said, and I know that you did, they all have a,b,c,and d in common, you are right.   Even though I have been hired as a coach to help people make a change, many, if not most, don’t really know what they want.  Or if they do know the goal, it changes a short ways into the coaching process.  Before you accuse me of blaming my clients for not knowing what they want, let me say that I am not blaming anyone.  Knowing exactly what the ‘big change’ is takes a lot time and energy, not to mention self development know-how.  Only a small percentage of people were taught early in life to find out what they really, really, really want in life and how to achieve it.  If you were never taught this, how can you expect to be an expert in creating a ‘big change’ life?  What most of us have been taught between the ages of 0 and 2 are whole bunch of fear based life patterns that result in a ‘no change’ life.  Fear based lives are like driving an automobile with a fogged up windshield, it is very difficult to see the road ahead.  And even though you know that you need to turn on the defroster, you can’t find it in the high tech world of computer operated cars.  Besides in today’s world who has time to wait for things to be clear before you leave the driveway?

 If you enter the “big change zone” without clarity you are doomed to wondering around aimlessly while your frustration grows as you fail to reach your destination.  Instituting changes, that lead to a more meaningful, joyful and abundant life, demands clarity on several different levels. 

 In order to make the ‘big change’ you are seeking in your life, you need great clarity in at least two areas.  The first is the mission for your life.  Your mission statement describes the core concept for your life.  It is your reason for being here.  If you are still saying, “I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up!” it will be very difficult to make a ‘big change’ happen.  ‘Big Change’ is never easy, however it is more likely to occur when you are clear on who you want to be.  If you have spent any time coaching with me or in one of my classes, you know how important I believe mission statements are. (Right now, I hope my clients are reciting their mission statement to themselves.)  You are part of the way there once you have created your mission statement and memorized it so that you can say it at gunpoint.  Real clarity comes when you begin to take action to make your mission come true. 

 The second area of clarity that ‘big change’ requires is  life patterns.  It is mandatory that you are aware of the fear based life patterns that are preventing you from taking bold action and then creating love based life patterns that support your ‘big change’.  That means doing the Smile Exercise 30 times a day for 30 days.  Combining your mission statement with power of love based life patterns to support your mission create a higher level of energy and thus commitment to make the ‘big change’. 

 Not long ago I had a client who was in a lot of emotional and spiritual pain.  She had no mission statement, operated from fear based patterns most of the time and on every coaching call she wanted to focus on something different.  First it was to find a job, then it was to be a leader in a service organization, then it was to be a writer, then it was ….. All along the way we kept clarifying life patterns and working on her mission statement.  Slowly clarity developed.  The emotional and spiritual pain has been replaced with a feeling of joy, a clear direction for her career and new power and joy in her writing. 

 When you enter the “big change zone” be prepared to spend more than 30 minutes getting to the answer. 

 Are you ready to turn on your defroster and clearly see the road ahead?

 It takes courage to follow through to make the ‘big change’ happen.  Next I will write about courage.

Why do people hire a coach?
    a. Their spouse told them they could use one.
    b. Their boss told them they could use one.
    c. Their friend told them they could use one.
    d. They want something to be different in their lives – they want a change.

Which answer did you choose? Drum roll please! The correct answer is all 4. However, the first three seldom result in success for either the client or the coach. “D” has the greatest probability for there to be a successful coaching relationship. When I say the client wants a change, I am not speaking of the minor aspects of life. The change I am referring to is one that takes an important part of your life to the next higher level.

Making a significant change happen in your life is much more of a challenge than the positive thinking gurus would lead you to believe. I can’t tell you how many times over the past 4 decades that I have futilely tried to think my way into a making something happen. It never worked. Now I know why.

I haven’t found a silver bullet that makes change easier. What I have discovered are four personal characteristics that are essential to possess in order to successfully make it through what I refer to as the ‘Big Change Zone’. My discovery is the result of reflections on my own life as well as observing hundreds of clients battle through their changes. As often happens for me, the insight came in the middle of a coaching session. About two months ago, I was working with an incredibly talented artist who was really struggling with making a change. In the middle of the call the answer hit me and I found myself talking to him about the 4 C’s of ‘Big Change’. Sorry folks, there is no huge scientific study to back up my ideas. The only proof I have is how people have reacted to my insights when I share them. Hopefully, the responses to this post will continue to confirm the validity of the 4 C’s of Big Change.

By now you are probably saying to yourself, “Enough already Frank. What are the 4 C’s?” I hear you and they are Commitment, Clarity, Courage and Compassion.

I believe it is mandatory to possess the 4 C’s in ample quantity to make a ‘Big Change’ happen. No I can’t define big change exactly. It is different for each person. If there is something that your heart tells you is important and/or you haven’t been able to successfully make the change you desire, that qualifies as a ‘Big Change’.

In today’s post I intend to explain what I mean by commitment and then in three subsequent posts I will discuss the other three. Before I go on, I suggest that you bring to mind a change you want to make and as you read see if what I am saying makes sense and is helpful to you in making the change.

Commitment is defined as the state or an instance of being obligated or emotionally impelled. When you are in the ‘Big Change Zone’ being emotionally impelled is mandatory. Commitment represents a state of internal energy that is imperturbable. When you are committed you will do whatever it takes to maintain that level of energy. Most people mistake having an interest in something with making a commitment to it. The difference is immense. When you have a strong interest in something it indicates that you would be happy to see your interest materialize. However, if it doesn’t work out, well that is okay too. There is always a reason why you couldn’t follow through.

If you asked me at any point in the past five years if I was committed to writing the book on which I have been working, I would have quickly responded yes. However, I wasn’t. I had an interest in doing it and I always had excuses as to why I wasn’t working on it at the current time. Fear and procrastination were my constant subconscious companions on the book. It wasn’t until late last year when I became committed to completing it. I realized that living my life’s mission meant that I must complete and publish this book. When I realized that, the energy and creativity I put into it accelerated.

Here is a test you can use to determine if you are committed to making the “Big Change” happen. Ask yourself right now, “What are the top 3 things you are going to do in the next 7 days that will move you closer to success in your change?” As you asked yourself the question, notice the energy you feel as you answer it. Did you feel a surge of power as you answered? If you did feel the energy and you really do what you listed in the week’s time, then you are committed to your intention. If you got a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach and a reluctance to come up with anything, you probably are not committed to your goal? If you got a sinking feeling and you don’t do the three things you said you would do and you have several excuses as to why you didn’t, then your commitment is weak at best.

There is no sin in not really being committed to a goal. The problem with ‘fake commitment’ is that when we don’t follow through on our intention it generates guilt and anxiety. The lack of follow through on commitments causes you to be out of integrity with yourself. If you can’t keep your word to yourself, how can you keep it to others? I think it is time to stop saying we are committed when we are not.

Clarity, courage and compassion are integral to having real commitment. It is very difficult to fully commit to something when you lack clarity about who you are and what you really want from life. What do you think, are you committed to your Big Change?

In my next post I will discuss clarity.

Happy New Year to you dear bloggers! 

Maybe it is just my age, but I find myself saying over and over again, “Where did the time go?”  For me it is not just an idle comment.  I really can’t believe how fast my 63 years have flown by.  Let me give you an example.  Not long ago my wife and I went to see the Lettermen perform here in Las Vegas.  As I sat there and listened to their songs, it took me right back to my school days.  I remembered dancing to their songs at “sock hops” in the high school gym.  It seemed absolutely impossible that 5 decades had passed since I first heard them sing.  How could that be?  Where did the time go? 

January has become a time for me to think about my mission and vision for my life.  I want to make sure that I have ideas in place that will lead to the next level of fulfillment of both my mission and vision.  No, I am not talking about New Year Resolutions.  This is a more profound exercise.  Saying “Where did the time go?” when it is just a comment about the speed of life is one thing.  What worries me is that I will say it because it is a comment on my not doing the things that the Divine has sent me here to do.  I don’t want to miss out on the joy that truly being me will create. 

When my daughter got married she choose the Lee Ann Rhymes song I Hope You Dance for our dance together.  The chorus says, When you get the chance to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.  She choose that because she said I taught her to dance whenever she got the chance. 

In 2009 I hope you choose to dance.  I hope you take every opportunity to create the life patterns that match your talents and that you take the actions to make them a reality.  Make sure when you say, “Where did the time go?” that it is just a comment on the speed of life.  Choose to dance. 

Recently, I have been reminding myself that “Life is a never ending series of events”.  The reason I have had that quote on a constant loop in my head is that an event occurred that tapped into a powerful and long standing fear-based life pattern that I have.  The fear is that I am not accepted by people I care about.  Just when I thought I had this love-based thing mastered and I was living a life that was always filled with joy and abundance, I was hit between the eyes with this old fear.  I had a strong physical reaction to the event which included an elevated heart-rate that I could actually hear in my ears. 

I tried desperately to put a gap between stimulus and response so that I could get a better perspective on things.   No matter how often I repeated the process of breathing through my heart and focusing on solutions, I could not get the emotion of fear to subside for more than 5 minutes.   Trust me; I love the feeling of joy flowing through my body, mind and spirit and this was a temporary event that I wanted to be history.  After about 36 hours the fear subsided, but it didn’t disappear completely.  I continued to process the situation with less intensity and less frequency for 3-4 days.  Although I identified the fear I was dealing with in the first paragraph, I didn’t really recognize it until I started to write this post, then it jumped out at me – this is about being accepted.  Up to this point, I had fallen into being a victim.  I am not!  My sense of self does not depend on the good opinion of others.  I easily create love and joy in my life. 

Life really is a never ending series of temporary events.  And, yes, sometimes feeling joyful takes an extended effort.  It would be wonderful if everything could be solved in 30 minutes like they do on TV, but it can’t.  Creating a gap and the smile exercise are powerful tools to creating the life I want, even if they don’t always create the desired result instantaneously. 

I would enjoy hearing your reactions to my struggle with a life long fear-based life pattern.  What have you learned from what I wrote?  

Most of the time topics for the blog have just popped out at me.  As you may have read, something happens and it quickly strikes me as something I want to write about and I do.  In several cases, what happened in Vegas didn’t stay in Vegas. 

However, since returning to Michigan from Las Vegas, ‘popping out’ kinds of event don’t seem to be happening as often.  Today something did ‘pop out’ at me.  It was the daily email quote from the Hearthmath Institute.  The quote is:   

“We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures that we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open.”   Jawaharlal Nehru

The last four words struck me – with our eyes open.  It seemed to me that the phrase was incomplete or perhaps even wrong.  What I have learned in my life and from the people in my teleclasses is that it is not our eyes, but our hearts that must be open in order to view all of the possibilities in the world. 

At the end of the first session of recently started Change Your Energy – Change Your Life Teleclass, I once again asked the participants to consciously put a Gap between Stimulus and Response and see what happens.  As it always does, what they related at the beginning of the second call blew me away.  Interactions, between parents and kids had changed, spouses of the participants received loving responses where before there had been anger, a manager of one of the attendees was treated more kindly, opportunities to investigate new ways of doing things were explored and the list goes on. 

Each person on the call reported on the outcome of their efforts to come from the heart, to create a gap.    It was delightful to hear people talk about joyful happenings in their lives, especially where there had been little or no joy.  Their experiences didn’t change because they had their eyes open, their experience changed because they opened their heart and then the eyes followed.  When you open your heart, you can not view the world the same way as you once did. 

Once you are done reading this, my challenge to you is to consciously put a Gap between Stimulus and Response, open your heart, manage your emotions and see what happens.  When you do, please post the outcome here, so that others will be encouraged to create a Gap. 

STIMULUS   -  GAP  -  RESPONSE

If you are not sure how, contact me. 

If you have done this before with me, try it again. 

I love the summer time.  I especially love summer weekends at our home in Michigan when kids and grandkids visit for some fun in the sun.  This past weekend my youngest son, his wife and two children visited with us for three days.  The grandkids are a five year old boy and a seven year old girl.  And even if I weren’t their grandfather, I would say they are great kids. 

It was a wonderful weekend that was filled with questions that all began with “Grandpa can we….”.  It was:
Grandpa can we go fishing?

Grandpa can we go in the kayak?

Grandpa can I row the kayak ?

Grandpa can we go in the paddle boat?

Grandpa can we shoot the BB gun?

Grandpa can we go to the beach?

Grandpa can we roast marshmallows?

Grandpa can we get in the hot tub?

And the list goes on. 

What a blessing it is to watch and participate in the excitement of children exploring the world.  For me that is one of the greatest gifts God has given me.  I love the adventure of seeking out new things in life and to be able to do that with my grandkids, brings a smile to my heart.  Being in the kayak with my 5-year old grandson as he paddled it for the first time by himself was pure joy.  Of course in turning the paddling completely over to him, I had to deal with my control issues about going in a straight line as we zigzagged across the pond.  Giving up the control was worth it to see the sense of accomplishment and joy on his face as we wondered around the pond. 

Throughout the weekend I thought to myself, wouldn’t it be wonderful if as adults we could remember to have fun and explore the way we did when we were kids.  In my experience as a coach, when my clients asked themselves the adult version of “Grandpa can I ____?” the answer is “No you can’t, you have too much to do to have fun.”  

If we seldom experience a ‘Grandpa can we __ weekend’ where the intent is to have fun and explore new things, life becomes boring and our zest for living diminishes. 

I would like to suggest that you schedule a ‘Grandpa can we__?’ weekend, where learning and fun are the focus.  Pretend like you are a kid, allow your heart to sing and notice what happens to your energy the following week.  And if you can’t think of place to go to do it, you are invited to visit us in Michigan.  This is the perfect place to rediscover the ‘kid’ in you.   

On our recent drive across the country as we returned to Michigan, we stopped for gas in eastern Colorado.  This pit stop was one of those where the only thing at the exit was the gas station.  Not one of my favorite types of places to stop.  However, when the gas tank is low and your bladder is full, you stop wherever you can.  This gas station was built many, many decades ago.  No new- fangled gas pumps that allow you to pay at the pump, you had to go inside to pay.  

To my surprise, the gentleman who managed the store was a delightful, engaging and a well read individual.  I say well read because when I told him I have published articles he reached down and pulled out a huge stack of magazines from under the counter.  The magazines covered every business topic from human resources to information technology.  The stop turned into a very delightful experience and an engaging conversation in a place where you wouldn’t expect one. 

During our conversation the station manager asked me a question that caused me to hesitate before I answered it and to think a great deal about it since we pulled away from that station two weeks ago. 

What is the one question that is always asked when you are traveling and you meet strangers?  You guessed it. The question is “Where are you from?”   

I had to hesitate when I answered.   Based on how the conversation was going, what I believe the manager wanted to know was “Tell me where you are from so that I will know how you view the world.”   If I told him we were from Las Vegas, he would have gotten an inaccurate impression.  Living for a little over a year in Vegas doesn’t make you from Las Vegas.   If I said Michigan, that would be even less accurate.  Even though we have owned our house in Michigan for 2 years, we have only lived in it for 6 months.  And since it has been 2 years since we lived in Chicago, that didn’t seem to fit.   My hometown of Pittsburgh is now ancient history after 30 years in Chicago.  What a dilemma. 

Unfortunately I can’t remember how I answered the question.  I just remember the feeling I had of not knowing how to describe where I am from. 

Perhaps I was reacting to the question behind the question, which was about how I viewed the world.  At this point in life, my view of the world is a combination of many places I lived and visited, books I have read, spiritual experiences I have had etc.  It is much broader than any one place or event.  The city I am from is no longer a descriptor of who I am.   It is not just the moving multiple times that makes answering the question a challenge.  It is many decades of searching for the real me.  Now that I have found it, how can I explain where I came from?

If I didn’t think folks would perceive me as being flippant, in the future I would answer the question, “ Where are you from?” by saying “Lots of places”. 

My thanks go to the wonderful gentleman in the gas station for asking me such an important question. 

How would you answer the question, “Where are you from?” 

No, I am not imagining that I am Willie Nelson. 

What I am imaging is returning to our home in Michigan for the next six months.  You have heard the saying, “ If you can’t stand the heat get out of the kitchen.”  Well I have a new version, “ If you cant stand the heat get out of Vegas in the summer.”  Several months of 110+ is too much.  Yes, it is a dry heat.   But 120 is hootttt!!!!!   All through last July, August and September, I got to witness temperature readings on the thermometer in my car that were higher than I had ever seen.   Frankly, I was surprised that it would go that high. 

Thanks to my wife’s talents and her employer’s flexibility we are able to spend the summer and fall in our home in Holland, Michigan.  Our intent is to return to Las Vegas next January.  Just in time to miss all of the snow in Holland.  Notice that I said ‘intent’.  With the use of that word I am leaving the door open for what we want to happen or something better.  And for the past several years something wonderful, unexpected and of major importance has been happening to my wife and me on a frequent basis.  I am learning to be open to “receive” whatever the Divine has in mind for me.  Lately it has been a series of wonderful adventures that involve moving and creating the lifestyle of our dreams. 

I am learning to manage my emotions, and thus my energy to so that I increase the frequency of experiencing joy and abundance.  Moving, however, brings a whole series of emotional challenges for me.  One of the more debilitating challenges is managing the details of moving my office  - AGAIN.  In case you don’t know this about me, I HATE DETAILS!   I go into what I call ‘detail shock’.  When I am in ‘detail shock’ I become irritable, I sometimes even start to shake and worst of all I begin to crave sweets.  Well, not just crave sweets; I devour sweets, especially chocolate.  I used to go into ‘detail shock’ and not even know what was happening to me.  Now I recognize it and have advanced to the ability of being able to express to my wife what is happening.  I don’t expect her to fix it.  It just helps me to say it out loud.  That way she doesn’t have to take it personally and when I say it out loud it is my cue to myself to accelerate my efforts to create joy or buy more chocolate. 

In case you are wondering, the upcoming move to Holland has triggered my ‘detail shock’.  On occasion it has been severe.  But I believe it is under control.  My wife may be a better judge of that.  If you get a chance ask her. 

On May 15 we will be “On the Road Again!” heading down the highway for Michigan.  I will have my office in Holland operational on May 21.  The phone number there in case you have forgotten it, is 616-786-9226.  No worry, the Vegas number will still work and be forwarded to MI. 

My first stop when we arrive in Holland will be at the grocery store to load up on chocolate so that I can make it through organizing the details of my office.  Perhaps I will do 2000 miles of smile exercises so that I won’t need it by the time we get there.